Digital Etiquette: 15 Must-Write Modern House Rules for a Connected Family

In the age of digital omnipresence, the concept of "house rules" has expanded beyond the physical front door. The moment a smartphone enters your home, it brings with it a parallel universe of social spaces, communication channels, and potential conflicts. "Don't run inside" and "say please and thank you" are no longer sufficient. We now need rules that govern how we exist in both the physical and digital realms simultaneously.

These are not just rules about how muchscreen time is allowed, but about howwe use technology to interact with each other and the world. They are the guardrails for our shared digital life, designed to protect relationships, privacy, and mental well-being. This guide outlines 15 foundational, non-negotiable rules that every modern family should consider writing down, discussing, and posting. They are divided into three critical domains: Device Storage, Charging & Access, and Social & Communication Conduct.

Section 1: Device Storage & Presence Rules – The Physics of Attention

These rules manage where devices are allowed to be, creating sacred spaces for human connection.

1. The Dinner Basket Rule

• The Rule:​ All personal devices (phones, smartwatches, tablets) are deposited in a designated basket, box, or charging station for the duration of family meals. This includes takeout, breakfast, and snacks eaten together.
• The "Why":​ This ritual physically removes the competition for attention. It signals that the people present are the priority. It ends the "phubbing" (phone snubbing) that erodes connection.
• The Script:​ "Dinner is our time to connect. The basket is where our devices rest so we can be fully here."

2. The Common Room Charging Station

• The Rule:​ All personal devices charge overnight in a common family area (e.g., kitchen counter, hallway console). Bedrooms are device-free charging zones.
• The "Why":​ This protects sleep hygiene by removing the temptation for late-night scrolling and the sleep-disrupting blue light and notifications. It also removes devices from private spaces where secretive or risky behavior can flourish.
• The Script:​ "Our bedrooms are for rest. The kitchen station is where our devices recharge so we can recharge properly."

3. The "One Device at a Time" Protocol

• The Rule:​ When engaging in shared family time—watching a movie, playing a board game, taking a walk—only one entertainment device is used at a time, if at all. No second-screening.
• The "Why":​ Partial attention is disrespectful and teaches poor engagement habits. It devalues the shared experience and the people you're with.
• The Script:​ "Let's all be in this together. If we're watching this show, we're watching it, not just being in the same room with it on."

4. The Car Console Deposit

• The Rule:​ On family car rides under a certain duration (e.g., less than 2 hours), devices stay in the console or glove box, especially for younger children. Conversation, music, or looking out the window is the default.
• The "Why":​ Car rides are historically rich spaces for unstructured conversation. Defaulting to a screen kills this opportunity for bonding and observation.
• The Script:​ "The car is for talking and seeing the world. Let's save the tablet for the long trips."

5. The Guest Device Welcome Basket

• The Rule:​ When friends visit, a small basket is offered at the door. "Feel free to drop your phone here so we can hang out without distraction!"
• The "Why":​ It politely extends your family's values to guests, sets a positive social norm, and prevents your home from becoming a silent room of parallel screen use.
• The Script:​ "We have a phone basket to help us all be present. You're welcome to use it!"

Section 2: Charging, Access & Security Rules – The Framework of Safety

These rules establish the operational and security parameters for technology use in the home.

6. The Password Transparency Clause

• The Rule:​ Parents have the right to know all account passwords and passcodes for devices owned by minors. This is a condition of device ownership, not a violation of privacy.
• The "Why":​ In case of emergency, mental health crisis, or credible safety concern, parents must be able to access their child's digital world. This is a safety net, not a spy tool.
• The Script:​ "Having your password is like having a key to your room. We promise to only use it if we're truly worried for your safety."

7. The Download Permission Protocol

• The Rule:​ No new apps, games, or software may be downloaded without prior parental discussion and approval. This includes free apps.
• The "Why":​ This is the digital equivalent of "ask before you open the front door to a stranger." It prevents exposure to inappropriate content, malware, and hidden costs.
• The Script:​ "New apps are like new friends. We need to meet them first to make sure they're a good fit for our family."

8. The "Find My" Non-Negotiable

• The Rule:​ Location services ("Find My iPhone," "Find My Device") must remain permanently enabled on any device that leaves the house.
• The "Why":​ This is a primary safety tool for locating a lost device or, in a worst-case scenario, a child. It is not for micromanaging a teen's location at the mall.
• The Script:​ "This is our family's safety GPS. It's for emergencies only, and it must always be on."

9. The Charging Responsibility Edict

• The Rule:​ You are responsible for charging your own devices during the day. A dead device is not a family emergency. The common charging station is for overnight use only.
• The "Why":​ Teaches personal responsibility, planning, and the consequence of inaction (a dead phone). Prevents last-minute panics that derail family routines.
• The Script:​ "Your device, your battery. Plan ahead."

10. The Headphone Mandate

• The Rule:​ All audio from personal devices in shared spaces must be consumed through headphones, at a reasonable volume.
• The "Why":​ Respect for shared auditory space. The cacophony of multiple videos, games, and TikToks is a recipe for sensory overload and family tension.
• The Script:​ "If it's sound just for you, it needs to stay just for you. Headphones, please."

Section 3: Social & Communication Conduct – The Ethics of Connection

These rules govern how we behave toward others in the digital sphere, both inside and outside the home.

11. The Video Call Courtesy Code

• The Rule:​ For scheduled video calls (with family, tutors, doctors), be dressed, be in an appropriate common space (not a bedroom), and give a 5-minute warning to the household. For impromptu calls, ask permission from those in the room before turning on video.
• The "Why":​ Teaches professionalism, respect for others' privacy, and the difference between private and public behavior in a digital context.
• The Script:​ "Video calls are like having visitors. We need to be prepared and make sure everyone is comfortable."

12. The Text/Message Pause Before Send

• The Rule:​ For children under 13, parents have the right to periodically review text and direct message threads. For teens, the rule is: Never send a message in anger. Write it, wait 30 minutes, then re-read before sending.
• The "Why":​ For younger kids, it's about coaching and catching bullying or predatory behavior early. For teens, it's about preventing irreversible social damage from a moment of impulsivity.
• The Script (for teens):​ "Your words are permanent. If you wouldn't say it to their face in front of me, don't send it."

13. The Social Media Golden Rule

• The Rule:​ Never post a photo, video, or identifying information about another family member (sibling, parent) without their explicit permission.
• The "Why":​ This teaches foundational consent and respect for digital autonomy. A sibling's embarrassing moment is not your social currency.
• The Script:​ "Would you want me posting that about you? No? Then don't post it about them."

14. The Conflict Resolution Moratorium

• The Rule:​ Serious, emotional, or complex conversations and conflicts are forbidden via text or social media DMs. They must happen in person or, at minimum, via voice/video call.
• The "Why":​ Text strips away tone, empathy, and non-verbal cues, guaranteeing misinterpretation and escalation. It's the worst possible medium for conflict.
• The Script:​ "If it's important or hard to say, it deserves your voice, not your thumbs."

15. The Digital Footprint Awareness Clause

• The Rule:​ Parents reserve the right to do a periodic, joint "digital footprint audit" with their child. This involves Googling their name, reviewing public social profiles together, and discussing what a college admissions officer or future employer might see.
• The "Why":​ Makes the abstract concept of a "permanent record" concrete. It's a proactive, teaching exercise, not a punishment.
• The Script:​ "Let's look at your digital shadow together and make sure it represents the awesome person you are."

How to Implement: The Family Digital Charter

1. The Summit:​ Schedule a meeting. Order pizza. Present these 15 rules as a draft "Digital Family Charter."
2. Negotiate & Adapt:​ Discuss each one. Which are non-negotiable (e.g., charging stations)? Which can be adapted (e.g., the duration of the car rule)? Let teens argue their case with logic.
3. Write & Sign:​ Transcribe the finalized rules onto a poster or into a shared document. Have every family member sign it.
4. Post & Enforce:​ Place the Charter in a common area. Enforce rules calmly by pointing to the agreement: "Our Charter says devices charge in the kitchen. Let's stick to our agreement."
5. Quarterly Review:​ Technology and your children change. Revisit the Charter every 3 months to amend, add, or retire rules.

These 15 rules are not about control for control's sake. They are the architecture for a home where technology serves the family, not the other way around. They create the space for eye contact, for uninterrupted conversation, for deep sleep, and for respectful relationships—both online and off. Write them down. Your future, more connected family will thank you.