🌟 Navigating the Tween Years: Practical Strategies for Parents

The tween years — roughly ages eight to twelve — represent a unique and often challenging transitional stage between childhood and adolescence. During this period, children experience rapid physical, emotional, and social changes that can leave parents feeling uncertain about how to respond. Hormonal shifts, emerging independence, evolving friendships, and growing curiosity about the wider world all combine to make parenting tweens a delicate balancing act.

Parenting expert Tanith Carey, who has raised two daughters through this stage, teamed up with psychologist Dr. Angharad Rudkin to write “What’s My Tween Thinking?”, a guide that illuminates the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of tweens. Their insights offer practical strategies to navigate the often perplexing tween years.

Understanding Your Tween’s Perspective 🧠

One of the keys to managing this stage is empathy — seeing the world through your tween’s eyes. By understanding why they act a certain way, parents can respond more effectively rather than react emotionally.

1. “I’m not holding your hand, Mom” ✋

It’s common for tweens to pull away physically as they seek independence and peer acceptance.

Tween’s Perspective:

“I want to test my independence. Peer approval matters, and I worry that holding my mom’s hand in public makes me look childish.”

Parent’s Response:

Carey advises parents to avoid taking it personally. While tweens may resist public displays of affection, they often still crave closeness at home. Offer alternative gestures, such as hugs or back rubs, to reassure them of your love and support.

2. “I AM doing my homework” 📚

Procrastination can become a frequent source of tension during this stage.

Tween’s Perspective:

“After a long school day, recalling the lesson is hard, and distractions at home make focusing difficult.”

Parent’s Response:

Instead of showing frustration, remain calm. Encourage your tween to express how they feel about homework. Breaking tasks into smaller, manageable segments can help them feel less overwhelmed. If difficulties persist, collaborating with teachers or school staff may be necessary to address potential learning obstacles.

3. “Why can’t I go on TikTok when all my friends are on it?” 📱

Tweens often feel left out socially, and digital platforms amplify these pressures.

Tween’s Perspective:

“I know some of my friends are on TikTok. I believe I can handle online risks and want to feel included in their social world.”

Parent’s Response:

Explain that their brain is still developing, making it harder to navigate complex online environments safely. Encourage real-world activities they enjoy and consider limited, supervised access to social media. Emphasize moderation, online safety, and the importance of balance between screen time and offline experiences.

Practical Strategies for Parents of Tweens 🌈

1. Listen Actively: Tweens need to feel heard and understood. Validate their feelings without immediately offering solutions.
2. Set Clear Boundaries: Consistent rules provide structure, even as tweens assert independence.
3. Encourage Autonomy: Allow them to make choices in safe contexts, fostering decision-making skills.
4. Promote Balanced Activities: Balance screen time with hobbies, sports, reading, and family time.
5. Model Emotional Regulation: Demonstrate calm, respectful ways to manage frustration and disappointment.

By approaching the tween years with empathy, communication, and structured support, parents can guide their children through this transitional period with confidence. Understanding the challenges and seeing the world from their child’s perspective fosters trust, strengthens bonds, and sets the stage for a smooth transition into adolescence.